Punk Rock Articles | Cult of Bush

THE CULT OF BUSH:
Laslow Corpuscle
July 4th, 2005
Atlanta Airport

"George Bush was a lousy President…but his KID is doing an amazing job!" I spent ten weeks on tour registering voters and had to listen to that same shitty joke every day when the Vandals played. Ahhh, Joe Escalante, a bright and decent man, but like most bushies a blind allegiant who got pistol whipped every time he tried to step into the intellectual arena regarding the modern faith-based phenomena we refer to as The Cult of Bush.

What Escalante COULD do that most others couldn't, however, is give an answer to the simplest of questions, "Why?" His answer was repulsive but at least an answer, "because of the tax cuts, I'm RICH." {He DID play a show in Iraq, which I respect infinitely}

OK, I may not agree with supply-side Friedmanesque economics (probably because they're bullshit), but at least he knew why he supported the administration. This was unusual for most of the staunch supporters of the incumbent. Scratch that, ALL supporters. 24,000 miles on a tour bus in one summer and not ONCE did I get an answer that made any sense to me at all as to why W was such a great leader that we should follow him blindly into any endeavor he deemed fit.

Let me back-story a bit…Fat Mike asked me to run the Punkvoter tent on the Warped Tour last year and I told him I'd do it for free. That election was critical and I really welcomed the chance to get out and try and make Punk Rock count for something. I put aside my normal penchant for insanity and heroic amounts of liquor (MOST of the time) and really did my best to move the cause forward and try to get a movement of some sort refreshed. We (in unison w/some other notable organizations) registered over 13,000 new voters, helped organize (car-pools, phone trees, registration drives, informational campaigns) tens of thousands more, and generally after the election felt good about the fact that OUR KIDS showed up.

I met amazing people from the Libertarian, Democrat, Green, Republican and whatever-party-Nader-was-in camps. But what struck me as truly horrifying is what the Bush supporters (not to be confused w/Republicans, of which I am one) engaged in, philosophically, emotionally, 'intellectually', and politically. I've a book's worth of stories about the odd nature of modern America, but as you're undoubtedly bored already I'll break my anthologies of this 'Road Warrior' experience into three basic issues, The War on Terror, Values Based Legislation, and The Economy. Speak No Evil - See No Evil - Hear No Evil

Speak No Evil - See No Evil - Hear No Evil

War on Terror: PEACE-KEEPER MISSLES and other oxymorons:

In the most PRONOUNCED drunken Texan Teenage harlot drawl your imagination can muster :"YOU'RE A PUSSY, AND KERRY'S A PUSSY, AND IF KERRY WINS WE'LL ALL HAVE TO MOVE TO CANADA BECAUSE WE'LL LOOK LIKE PUSSIES LIKE FRANCE AND OSAMA WILL ATTACK US ALL THE TIME!" My reply was it's categorical succinct self as these fanatics did drive-by verbal and physical attacks on a daily basis, regardless of geography, "Well miss, I hope you speak French as you obviously are light on your world studies and a good portion of Canada does in fact speak French." She, in the middle of a torrential downpour, tried to mask her ignorance by throwing water at me. At this point I felt sad for her IQ, laughed, and she tried to run away. The crowd tried to hold her back but I implored them to let her go, "let her run from thought like her beloved cowardly President ran from service back in the 60's." She glanced back in a look of horror and shame, cheap eye shadow bleeding on her pink, programmed cheeks from the rain, and I knew she realized the Sport of Reason would never be her game of choice.

The whole time this volley of retorts is going on through the day a man is standing, in the rain, in front of my tent holding a sign that says 'Bush Yes Kerry No'. I loved the brevity, and asked him simply "Why Bush?" ALL day long. Politely. He wouldn't even look at me. By 4pm, after a couple inches of recorded rainfall, his sign was blank (he made it w/dry erase marker) and his plain white tee was, well, rather patriotic looking, as the ink had washed entirely over him. Admiring his conviction I thought of a detente, "Hey Hippy, if you want a fresh t-shirt I'll sell you one half price." I don't think the Bush Administration Retirement Fund (BARF) product was of particular interest to him, but I have to give it up, he stood there with that blank piece of poster board ALL day long. I guess he was going to get his 30 dollars worth, even if it was blank and pointless, much like the rhetoric of his peers.

The biggest paradox I encountered regarding "The War on Terror" wasn't the 'Saddam is Osama' rhetoric, which was rampant, but the 'you don't support our troops because you question Bush' bullshit. Hundreds of people basically tried to blame my voter registration efforts as the reason their little brother or aunt was under-equipped for an illegal war. Serious screaming and hurtling of matter was evoked because I felt we were lied to about Iraq. When asked what substantive reasons we had to engage in such a violent and fiscally irresponsible endeavor I never heard an intelligent response. There are still people who believe Saddam was giving Osama Anthrax to set off at some jerkwater mall in Nowhere USA, and if I kept pointing out the fallacy of that their relative's blood was on my hands.

The lifeboat in this sea of unending and rhetorical bullshit was the actual Soldiers that I met on the road (they're not 'troops', they're soldiers, individual people with individual lives). They would say "I know what you're trying to do for us and thank you". That's ALL I ever needed to hear about anything I tried to accomplish in this effort, and the Fox Jazera dittoheads never had the courage to step up to them when THEY called bullshit on the Bush shit. Truth, the anti-drug. Whenever these pro-war mopes would get borderline violent I'd point out to them I was in the field supporting what I believed in, and if they truly believed in what they were drunkenly screaming the Army registration tent was 'right over there.' I guarantee more nine dollar beers were purchased than new recruits signed.

I asked many what THEY did to support our troops. Organize fundraisers to get the Guard proper Kevlar? Send care packages and letters from my students? Donate Blood? Support the USO? Seek the facts? Lobby?

NEVER! They bought a ribbon at Wal-Mart and bitched about the Dixie Chicks. Once, in Calgary of all places, these buff clean cut men bought EVERYTHING our PAC had for sale, three guys calling "one of each".

"What the Fuck? Why all the shwag????"

"We're on leave from Iraq, missed NOFX in the states and flew up here to see them before we head back, as even though our tour is up we're being forced to return or go AWOL. We wake up to Anti-Flag's 'Die For Your Government' everyday in our barracks and we LOVE what you guys are trying to accomplish. For our sake, GOOD LUCK."

BAMMO! Thank God they had good reflexes, as their money was shoved back in their hands, the tent was dropped to the ground and they were on stage for AF in seconds. I put them under Mike's wife's wing and she ensured they saw Bad Religion and NOFX from the stage, and got a good meal from catering. When they returned to the tent they got bags loaded down with stuff from ALL the tents, cold beers and warm gestures. We did this often as a mobile community, not because of some external desire to feel good but because of altruism. You can't look some 19 year old kid in the face, whose life is on the line everyday, and not want to make at least some part their day fun and cathartic before they have to head back to some shit hole in the name of Halliburton and the G8.

Morans??? Look in the mirror, you Fuck

"Everyday we guard a section of pipeline under construction. Around six we take mortar fire, fire back, go eat, sleep, get up and guard the same damn piece of pipeline construction. Fucking sucks."

Yup buddy, sorry I failed you on that one.

Values Legislation: All my Hexes Live in Texas

Dominion Theology: the belief that the good lord our savior put enough resources on this planet and the minute they expire our Shepard will call his flock home to the kingdom of heaven.

Waco? Some fundamentalist cult in Montana? Nope! Meet the Cabinet. The Neo-Conned have prostituted the core values of the GOP into an Evangelical freak show, and every odd passage of the bible is now getting legislative backing. There are folks like Condi et. al. who seriously believe in, and support the Commander in Thief in, this odd fairy tale dribble. Hence, the notions of conservation and renewable energy sources are getting WHACKED at the budgetary level while COAL is the cornerstone of a new energy bill. What's scary isn't only that people make important decisions based on this 'unique' philosophy effecting the entire world, but they are fucking vigilant about it, and if you're not part of the sect you're a heathen going straight to hell.

One of my coworkers (out of 60) is a staunch Bush supporter. He was shocked that I was shocked that 'Values Legislation' is of an increasing priority to the 18-39 crowd. What a bill of goods has been sold to the children of the Rentier Economy that the cause of their limited futures is the godless and Babylonian. (I won't even go into the hypocrisy of these pious pedagogues that occurs at their bachelor parties).

And here's where the Cult of Bush REALLY kicks it into high gear. The waving of the flag and horrible images of 9/11 turned fly-over America into a frothing blood thirsty nationalist machine, willing to embrace any fucking conflict in what David Cross refers to as 'Operation No More Brown People', but waving the bloody body of Christ in the key states was pure Rovian Genius. I'm a fan of electioneering, even when I lose, and here's why Cultism cost us the election

1) Rove brings in Ralph Reed, domestic terrorist and Evangelical Fanatic to smooth over Bush's cocaine/abortion history with the 'god fearing' that were MIA for the party in the last election.
2) Reed takes Exxon barges of cash into the 'purple states' to get 'gay marriage' on the referendum ballots, bringing the 'no faggots in my back yard' crowd to the polls.
3) Spin a whopping TWO Catholic priests against the challenger, making him more heathen-like than the heathen.
4) Voila! A crucial five million guns and Jesus folks we never saw coming pop up and swing an election into the hands of one of the least Christian fucks I've ever seen.

These were my favorite, yet most tedious challengers in the field. They were already 'fancying faith over reason', and they got to pile all that blind allegiance onto Bush, as he was the second coming. Seriously. The meat of this essay is in the odd things I was told, such as (and I quote)

"If you don't support Bush you're a fucking baby killer, you baby killing faggot" (three little girls of about 12 years old in matching tanks, gap skirts and panties. I know this because they made their panties visible to EVERYONE.)

"You think them fucking faggots should have the right to marry, cuz if so then you're a faggot too." (interesting exchange, I replied 'well why not? We let them niggers do it don't we? And really, what's worse, a married nigger or a married faggot? At least a married faggot won't make more faggots!' when faced with his own hate he clenched his fists and almost went for it. I was stoked, but a pair of bright and beautiful bikini clad girls hopped the table, started smooching me and said 'I guess we're faggots too!' He retorts FUCKING SICK ASS FAGGOTS. I'm getting felt up by two hot girls and I'm STILL gay. Top that Liberace!)

"I'm a single issue voter, the right to life must be protected. (1,000x!)" How does killing thousands of innocent people in bullshit wars, then lying about it, Christian? Number one answer? "duhhhhh".

"George Bush was sent by God." My response? "duhhhhh" I was truly speechless and often wondered just how much you really have a wet spot for that guy from Yellowcard or misunderstood the name New Found Glory to have to cross paths with an infidel such as myself.

Having been raised Jesuit Catholic (the Marine Corps of religion) and having much of the humanism w/o all that idolatry, I can engage in ontology and theology conversations lustfully. There is no changing the minds of these people, but enticing their brains all day and getting them to admit they'd fuck me dirty in my tour bus was always some small victory against the delusional. Offering them cool refreshing water 'made from aborted fetuses' was always fun too.

"What if you aborted the guy that would've cured cancer?"
"What if you aborted the guy that would've murdered the PERSON who cured cancer?"

DUHHHH.

Economy: It's the Ecology stupid.

As I stated, I like Joe Escalante, he's a good man who's done a lot of good things and has amassed a fortune. I don't take away his right to enjoy capitalism in a capitalist nation. But Joe's rich, not WEALTHY. What many middle to uppers don't realize is that THEY AREN'T PART OF THE CLUB. Especially a, gasp, 'Latino'. Yikes. Condi had to spend BIG money to buy her WASP-Mart membership. Joe, you aint got that kind of bread.

Corporate welfare at the cost of say, hmmm, the working class, under the guise of fiscal responsibility, is the Neo-Con trademark. My undergrad was in Economics, and I love it when some fuck tries to tell me the shitty economy Reagan/Bush left Clinton was Carter's fault, and Clinton's prosperity was Regan's doing.

???????????????????????????????????????????????????

You are a pawn to a large, financially powerful machine called the Neo-Con GOP, which exits to empower the financial elite, through PAC contributions and Skull and Bones contacts. This power elite exists for one simple purpose, PROFIT. ANY resource, natural, animal, mineral, human, exists and is justified in the minds of those at the helm to enrich them, as if you enrich them you enrich God, and therefore all of humanity. It's odd, surreal, completely insane, and sadly bought into by tens of millions of voting Americans thus reinforcing and propagating their false sense of morality and reality. Nurturing these fantasies, and building this Nazi like "we are one" mentality of the masses is reminiscent of every horrible oligarchy you studied in High School, and sadly the current state of affairs.

Friend of the Amputee