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Mikey Snot Is Great

"Sieg Heil? Uh, Buzz, Can We Talk About This?

By A. Female

Dude, I remember the march on Skokie well. The general feeling in our all Catholic, all Irish (all the time) house was: fvck those Nazi fvcks!

Even my grandmother, born 1906 in the giant Catholic Chicago ghetto, no Jews knowing and brought up among general feelings, fostered by the Vatican (naturally), that Jews were the bad, was disgusted. Of course, she had secretly fallen in love with a Jewish boy at the University of Chicago when she was around 20… but they both knew that it could never work. (The glory of religion—tearing young lovers apart since… forever!) Hell, it was 1926. I do believe, however, that he was the only man she ever really loved. Although my grandfather was a fabulous guy. It just wasn’t much of a love match, sadly for him.

Das Squadron ending up with more Christian members than Jews is a reason for hope, IMO. America is different. We’re all mutts. We all know we’re next on the list, if’n you knows what I means.

I haven’t read Inside The Third Reich but I do have another incriminating book on, perhaps, the smartest Nazi. It's called The Good Nazi, in which we find out he wasn’t good, he was just playing good on TV. Clever bastard, though. Master manipulator.

Still, my dahling, I’m not a fan of Zionism. Does this make me an anti-Zionist fvck? I hope not. If so, um, sorry. But not really. I’m a fan of Jews, big time, but Zionism, although completely understandable, hurts Jews in the end. I’m convinced. It’s like the IRA. Understandable, esp. in the beginning, but in the end, corrupt, intolerant, divisive and destructive. I know Israelis that are anti-Zionist, dude. And they know the score. They live(d) there. Hey, just ask the guy that headed the Mossad squad that tracked down Black September after Munich. Really, not a fan of Zionism either. Burned. Badly.

BTW, why all the paranoia right now? Dude, this is America. And yes, it is massively flawed, but there is a REASON why there was a huge backlash against the Skokie Nazi marchers, from every segment of society. Do you think *I* would let anyone cart away my friends who are Jewish or black? Are you mad? They’d have to kill me first. Some of those people are in my family. Besides, we weren’t called the n$ggers of Europe for nothing. And I’m not alone. I don’t have one friend that would stand by. We don’t do that. We’re American. We now tackle crazy a-holes who say they have bombs on planes. Just us. It took one incident for that to happen. We’re NOT GERMANY. We’re not Europe (they threw us out). We’re also armed. Have a little faith.

Love,

A non-fan of Zionism, but still yo sister. As for Zionism equaling just the practice of Judaism in the Jewish homeland—that’s no Zionism I’ve ever heard of. I think you’re going to confuse your readers massively.

(The following is a rebuttal by Buzz Fugazi):

There are many different forms of Zionism, but the basic principle is that we should be able to practice Judaism in the Jewish Homeland. The alternative now would be second or third class citizens in an Islamic Republic, assuming we wouldn't be massacred for failing to convert. The early Zionists who bolted East Europe were among the few who got out alive. Several varieties of Islamic propaganda deny the Shoah so they can ignore the contradiction between their shitty behavior and the compassion demanded by humanistic interpretations of their faith. They choose to focus on the need for beheadings, as do the loonier Ultra Zionists when they seek a definition of Islam. For so many people, why are psychotic Islamic Republics more digestable than the Jewish State? Why are some people so eager to protect Iran, but at the same time, endorse the dismantling of Israel? Is it a belief that Jews are few and weak so it's easier to pick the louder agitator and feel the problems will be thus easily solved? That growing contradiction feeds my paranoia more than the nazi fuckos.

Sometimes Zionism reminds me of the warning in the Book of Kings when the Jews are bugging the Prohpet for a King to be like everyone else and the Prophet is telling them, "You're not like everyone else, don't go there." But, hey, we're human. The US is a place where Jews can live as part of a multi-cultural Republic (at least this week and last week, I don't know about next week), but our faith and sense of who we are as a people has a geographical base. It's the stage for the story of who we are and who we are supposed to be. I choose to be a Chicago guy but my heart breaks for the Orthodox who wish to be close to the Temple. They just want front row for the Messiah concert. I adore them for believing G-d will send Elijah, just as I am befuddled by a Jewish Heresy that the Messiah came but didn't fulfill the prophesy... "Uh, dudes, I got some legal issues, so, er... just keep loving each other and taking care of each other and... I'll be back to take care of that prophesy stuff later. Peace out!"

"What did he say?"

"I'm pretty sure he said round up all the Jews and gas them to death."

"No, I distinctly heard him say: Drive them into the sea."

Funny thing about the IRA... they are kind of like the Zionists, but they ran with the PLO. Last I checked the Irish Nation was doing better than ever. No one is saying you have to convert to Islam to live there. No one is saying that any Irish who left and want to come home should not be allowed... OK, maybe some UIster Defense League holdouts, but y' know...

Thanks for having my back and the feeling is mutual.

I'm glad we are pals, homegirl. And I'm glad I live in a place where I can run around town with an unveiled Shiksa who is not afraid to flaunt her stuff for guys to look and appreciate but not touch. It's part of what makes Chicago a beautiful city.

(A. Female responds to Buzz's rebuttal):

As for 2nd and 3rd class citizens in an Islamic Republic—hey, welcome to being a Muslim female! Plus, name an Islamic Republic that is actually a Republic. Ain’t none. Not going to happen anytime soon.

However, as official devil’s advocate, Muslims and Christians live as 2nd class citizens in Israel… and I learned that factoid from an Israeli Jew. It’s just not called 2nd class. But it is.

Of course there are Muslims in the Middle East denying the Holocaust. Lots. They were nowhere near it and it suits their political purposes to do so. They are playing politics. And they are officially crazy if they think Hitler would’ve spared them.

To whom are crazy Islamic Republicans more palatable than the Israeli state? Who is trying to protect Iran? I have yet to meet anyone. Any female would have to be clean out of her mind, as no female is valued at this time in the Middle East. Can they vote? Not often. Women are wearing skirts more often in Iraq so they don’t get shot at for wearing pants. I’ll take Israel. This doesn’t mean, however, I don’t think Israel is massively fvcked up in several areas. As is my own country. It’s not like I have to choose and shut my mouth for all time. I do not. Nor will I. The Middle East is a scorpion’s nest, but it is the sum of its past, and that past includes a lot of machinations by Western Nations.

Frankly, anyone considering dismantling Israel while wanting to protect Iran is nuts. Why even give them the time of day. Plus, I haven’t even met or read one. Who are they? Bader-Meinhoff? The Italian Communist Party? Who pays attention to those yahoos? So stifle the paranoia, man. And remember, like the USA, Israel has a lot of splainin’ to do about many things. Unfortunately, there is no innocent nation. Ever.

As for anyone thinking Jews are weak—man, come on. For millennia, Jews have been excellent fighters. Cleopatra recruited Syrian and Onian mercenary Jews for her army against her brother in Egypt. She was no idiot. And look at the Israelis. They may be many things but they are not weak. I would NOT want to fight the IDF.

As for your paranoia about being a Jew in America, it’s still over the top. There are far too many minorities in this country, worse off BY FAR than Jews, monetarily and socially, who would get it first. And no one would stand for it.

And look, as much as your heart breaks for that Orthodox guy, why doesn’t it break as badly for an Assyrian Christian or a Palestinian Muslim whose turf that is too? It is the birthplace of THREE religions, man. It’s not just one. That’s the way it is. It doesn’t belong, as a spiritual place, to just one people or one religion. Which is why religion is so messed up. Especially there. What do these gods say? Be selfish? NO. Share your toys. But do they? No. It’s Me Mine Me! I’m sick of that crap. Who doesn’t want a front seat for the coming (or re-coming) of the Messiah? Unfortunately, 3 religions think it’s coming to the same place. And that’s the way of it. SHARE. Elijah. Jesus. Whoever. Honey, they’re all probably made up anyway, so why fight? What a waste.

Running into the PLO was the least of the IRA’s worries. They were immoral because they were terrorists. End of story. Besides, all those groups supposedly supported each other—IRA, PLO, the ETA, Bader-Meinhoff. They didn’t. They supported themselves—and that was it. Human nature. The IRA thought the PLO were a bunch of non-Catholic heretics bound for Hell. They just didn’t say it. The PLO thought the IRA were a bunch of scum-sucking whitey Infidels. Same as it ever was.

What is the Irish Nation? There are two, darling. There’s the Republic of Ireland (home of the former IRA) and the part of the United Kingdom called Northern Ireland. They are not a united country, nor will they be until the Kingdom of Northern Ireland (protestant) decides, of their own volition, to join the Republic of Ireland (Catholic). That may take a while. And while no one is saying "convert to Islam," they are saying: convert to Church of England! or Roman Catholicism pretty much. Don’t fool yourself. There’s a cease fire on. It’s going well. But there is no Irish nation and the constitution of the Republic of Ireland is garbage—filled with Catholic theocratic bullshit that I would want no part of even if I wasn’t Protestant. And I KNOW I’m not exactly welcome in the Republic. Such is not my birthright as a 7/8 Irish American. I can’t even get citizenship, let alone have it guaranteed to me by birth. So there really is no analogy to Israel there at all. It is a homogenous island, for the most part. But they ain’t giving away citizenship.

There are IRA, UVA and UDF holdouts. I hope they shoot each other to death. It’ll make the world a better place.

I always have your back, homeskillet. As I have the backs of many I have never met. It’s the principle. No one gets the right to pick out a group to do harm to. Sorry. It’s been done, it’s horrifying, not having it. Why? I’m an American. And that’s the best thing about America.

As for being unveiled, oh let someone try to veil me. They pull back two bloody stumps. Someday, the women of the entire world will say the same. I wish to god/allah/buddah/shiva I could see that damn day. I’d rather see that than see god. Or maybe that would be seeing god. Or at least Bona Dea.

Oh, for the days of goddess worship. When war was scarce and sex was everywhere. These patriarchal gods are a pain in my arse. They could all use a good beating, IMHO.

Love,

A Female