Bisexual Is The New Black.

E-mail Sarah

Past Rantings and Ravings

Monday May 8, 2006, Sarah

I came out when I was 17 years old. As a lesbian. I have an entirely different view of sexuality now that I'm older and have dated people from across the gender spectrum. But, there was a time when I was a die-hard lesbian and I hated bisexual girls. You'd find me on some forum somewhere spewing all this crap about bisexual girls being more likely to cheat or how they should pick a side. I never really felt that way; I was just regurgitating a lot of what I heard in the gay community.

My life was all lesbian, all the time for about five years. The majority of my friends were gay, and we quickly became regulars at the gay bar. The gay bar is a great place to see different relationship dynamics in action. It's like watching Nature on PBS, but with "Sandstorm" playing in the background.

Let's pretend that the gay bar is the United States of America, lesbians are white Protestants from, say, the Midwest, bisexual girls are Muslims from Palestine, and straight girls are Roman Catholics from France. The Muslim Palestinian really wants to move to the U.S.A. to get out of the war-torn Middle East and dreams of practicing Islam sans political turmoil from both Palestine and Israel. The Roman Catholic from France is only in America on holiday because moving to the U.S. is highly undesirable.

The Muslim crosses the border, expecting to be welcomed with open arms. After all, a country that is founded on "life, liberty, and justice for all" should be more than happy to provide a safe and happy home for an individual tired of being forced to pick a side. However, the Muslim is shunned. She's treated kindly to her face, but as soon as she turns her back there are insults thrown about and assumptions made. The Protestant from Suburb, USA says that the Muslim can't be trusted. "Brown people were the cause of 9-11," says Protestant, "She could have ties to terrorism." Protestant has no proof whether Muslim even knows any terrorists, has been involved in terrorism, or has an adverse view of America. Protestant's distrust in Muslim is completely unfounded and based on fears perpetuated by stereotypes and outdated perceptions of religion. As if Muslim's religious affiliations were determinants of her character.

Roman Catholic Frenchwoman crosses the border and is indifferent about any welcome. This is just a holiday, and the U.S.A. is not an omnipotent entity in her eyes. She's just here to have a good time. Protestant sees Roman Catholic and is enthralled. She's beautiful and exotic, and she must be interested in converting to Protestantism since she willingly came to a mostly Protestant country to visit. Protestant is enthralled with Roman Catholic and sees her as a conquest. Roman Catholic is disinterested, but has sometimes been known to belittle the U.S. rather publicly. Protestant forgives such comments as long as Roman Catholic converts to Protestantism - even if just for one night. As long as bragging rights can be extended to Protestant for converting a Roman Catholic to Protestantism, that's really all that matters.

Protestant would rather prey upon the very often unwilling Roman Catholic rather than be gracious toward the Muslim, simply because of some irrational fear born of insecurities, intolerance, and a poor understanding of religion.

This whole scenario seems ridiculous when thought of in terms of religion, but it is just as ridiculous when it plays out in a gay bar. To dismiss a person as a potential lover because of their orientation is as silly as dismissing a person as a friend or lover because of their religion. To favor the straight girl because of a possibility that she could be converted is sickening. It's hypocritical to whine about men objectifying women when one does the same, and sometimes in a manner that is more egregious.

My opinion on this matter has nothing to do with my own sexuality. I am not bisexual, and I've never considered myself to be bisexual. I'm not a lesbian, although I considered myself to be when I was younger. I started dating a girl that was bi-gendered, or trans. I didn't feel comfortable saying I was a lesbian, because that would imply that I was dating a woman, and she was not a woman. To label myself that way and force gender upon her would be incredibly rude and offensive. Saying I was bisexual would produce the same problem as it implies that I'm attracted to men or women. That's it. I don't believe it's as simple as men or women. Gender is just as fluid as sexuality, and some of us lie closer to the middle. This has nothing to do with outward appearance. If you look like Madonna, but you feel that your gender is male, then you have every right to express yourself accordingly.

So, when I was about 22 years old I decided that I was queer. I wasn't coming out again, but finding some cubby hole in which to shove my sexuality for those who need a label to understand and accept me. You can't be accepted in the gay community without a label. They need to identify the bisexuals in order to avoid dating them in the future.

Queer is a nice term. It's an umbrella term. It doesn't take into account gender or sex. I'm just as queer loving a man as I was dating a transboy or fucking a cross-dresser or dating a lesbian. However, in lesbian-world, I'm straight. Regardless of my five-year relationship with a woman or my knowledge of queer theory and history. That's just how it works.

Things are getting fucked up with this labeling bullshit. Saying one was bisexual was a great way to remain dateless. And then there was myspace. Bisexuality has enjoyed an impressive comeback thanks to myspace. It's where alternative girls can stand out even more by selecting that magic dot next to "Bi." Having scene hair and listing interests that may or may not include pirates and Angelina Jolie and Taking Back Sunday just isn't enough anymore because EVERYONE ELSE ON MYSPACE LISTED THE SAME DAMNED THING.

Hey, kids! Want to seem cooler? Is your dyed hair failing to freak out the squares? Running out of fishnets to put on your arms? Introducing the new craze that's sweeping the nation and instantly turning average suburban gals into subcultural girls:

I'm bisexual on myspace.com.

Also available:

I'm a swinger on myspace.com

My disdain has nothing to do with people being bisexual. It's saying something to convey an image, rather than because one is out and proud. Bisexuality is so overlooked as a community because it is defined by girls in tube tops at bars or almost-punk girls making out at parties. Bisexuals have their own flag, their own history, and their own issues. Say you are bisexual because you know you love men and women equally - don't say it to seem different or more provocative. That only fuels the belief that bisexuality connotes promiscuity. Don't make perfectly nice bisexual girls look like sluts by association just because you are trying to date some douchebag on myspace.