MSIG: Marc, I noticed your new white Traitors jumpsuit. Why are you dressing like a sailor now?

Marc: Cause sailors get more action.

MSIG: So you would like to pick up more men.

Marc: Oh yeah. I was just thinking with all the emo boys here maybe I would have a chance, but it was just a pipe dream.

MSIG: Noah, I noticed that you play with your jumpsuit on, but you're naked underneath. Do you chafe a lot? Do you have to use powder?

Noah: What I do before I play, I lube myself down with Astroglide so then I'm just slopping around and banging and rocking. You put Astroglide on at the beginning of the night you don't have to worry about it for the rest of the night.

Marc: You got to have Astroglide.

MSIG: You also tend to take your clothes off while playing. Does it bother you when people tease you about your small penis?

Noah: No. I mean, it's kind of weird. I've come to accept it, you know. I mean, it's just so small. It doesn't show up on any map of the continental U.S. I understand and I've come to terms.

MSIG: You've come to terms with it? That's good at such a young age. How old are you anyway?

Noah: Going on fifteen.

MSIG: How long have you been playing drums?

Noah: I don't like this line of questioning. How long have I been playing? Lord, I don't know. My parents bought me my first Muppet Show drum set when I was three because I was always banging on the pots and pans. And then I got my first real set when I was in sixth grade. Two years later and look where I am. I'm loving it. The only problem is I want to play guitar.

MSIG: Why don't you?

Noah: Because Marc does, otherwise I would.

MSIG: You really want to play guitar?

Noah: Oh man, I want to play either - my dream, if I could do anything in a band is to play the Jews harp. Do you know what that is? What Snoopy plays.

Marc: I played Jews harp in Chia Pet. Jews harp with a digital delay.

MSIG: You all have a pretty extensive musical background. What are some of the other bands you have been in?

Marc: Just to name a few, I've been in No Empathy and Chia Pet. Francisco's been in Hubcap and the Mashers.

MSIG: Are you still friends with all the people in your other bands?

Marc: Oh yeah.

MSIG: Is it true Steve Albini stopped recording with Page and Plant to tape you guys?

Marc: Yes.

MSIG: How did that go?

Marc: Albini was doing Page and Plant and Bush, and we called him up and said we got to do a record now, you fucking little weasel, come here. And he did. It was all good.

MSIG: How long have the Traitors been together?

Marc: Three years.

Noah: Yeah, but we didn't get good until October.

Billy: I've only been the singer for a year.

MSIG: Where do you see this band going? And if it doesn't go the way you would like, what are you going to do next?

Marc: I see this band going to another bar, and then another bar after that and then maybe another bar after that and then we'll break up and I'm going to give up punk rock entirely and start a band where I have three back up singers and I do all soul and R&B. And also reggae. And I will only play in gay discos.

MSIG: Fran, why do they call you Frantesticles?

Fran: I don't know. I have so many goddamn different names from Francisco, Fran, Francis, Ed, Eddie, Eduardo, Eddie Jinglebells,

Billy: Fuck Face.

Marc: They call him Frantesticles cause he's got big nuts.

Fran: I do have apples.

Noah: It flows well, too, Frantesticles. It's a very elegant name.

MSIG: Billy, why do you take so much abuse on stage?

Billy: For the love of rock.

MSIG: Do you take that much abuse off stage as well?

Billy: Only with my friends.

MSIG: So you consider these guys your friends?

Billy: Sure.

Fran: That's a really good question actually.

MSIG: Noah, you like to come up and talk a lot on stage. Do you actually want to be the front man sometimes?

Noah: No. I mean, I'm back there all the time and they keep me back there because otherwise, you know, I would have the spot light on me the whole time, so they only let me come up there for a while to make sure we even out. They want to give everyone a chance.

MSIG: Marc, you've been in the punk rock scene forever.

Noah: Cause he's old.

MSIG: Yeah. How do you think it's changed?

Marc: It has changed in the way that - tonight was a perfect example of what we're trying to do in that it's become a lot more boring.

MSIG: You're trying to make it more boring?

Marc: No, we're trying to shake everybody up and trying to get everybody to have a bit more fun.

Noah: We're trying to put the enema back in entertainment.

MSIG: Well, then why did you book a show with all emo bands that were crap?

Marc: Because, if you're going to go to it, why preach to the converted? You gotta go where it's the most boring and try to shake it up. What's great is like all the people who are really like the big movers and shakers in this emo scene wanted us to do it because they know how boring it is. All the emo bands are great, but the crowds are just dead.

Noah: They had to mop up the tears on the stage.

Billy: I love mopping up tears on stage.

MSIG: If you could cover any song that you wanted, what would you do?

Fran: Can I pick two? Jesus and Tequila by the Minutemen and Seventh Son by Willie Dixon.

MSIG: What about you Billy?

Billy: Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode and Sleepwalk by Santo & Johnny.

Marc: I would like to cover Queen Bitch by David Bowie.

MSIG: What did you listen to when you were younger?

Noah: Whom, did I listen to? I listened to Simon & Garfunkel and Jim Croce, and Peter, Paul & Mary.

MSIG: You did not!

Fran: Bullshit, you're not that old!

Noah: And Harry Belafonte.

Fran: I'm going to beat the shit out of you! Fuck you, no way!

Noah: That's what I listened!

Marc: That's what his parents listened to.

Noah: Yeah, and then through elementary school I listened to 80's new wave. My sister was 18, she graduated in 1988 and I wanted to be my sister. I mean without the breasts and stuff. She was my idol. Well, maybe with the breasts and stuff.

Fran: Well, we know who the only straight guy in the band is.

Noah: But then I found Metallica in the 6^th grade and that's when my life took a good turn. It was my revitalization.

MSIG: Who did you listen to, Fran?

Fran: Earth, Wind and Fire.

Noah: You listened to Mariachi bands.

Fran: What, is that a racial comment?

Noah: It might be. You're from Texas.

MSIG: Billy, you said earlier that you hate this label, you want to rip them off, you think they suck and you want to go on to Kung Fu.

Billy: I don't recall saying that.

MSIG: Can you tell me why?

Fran: You want to join Apocalypse Hoboken, don't you?

Billy: You're looking for an exciting answer from me and you're not going to get it.

Noah: Cause you suck.

Marc: You're a boring person.

MSIG: Billy, I want to know why you don't face the crowd at all. Are you scared of the crowd? Do you not like looking at them?

Billy: I face the drum set so I can push my ass into the crowd. I just want someone to fuck me up the ass.

MSIG: When that guy licked your ass, did you enjoy that?

Billy: Very much. I wish that happened every night.

MSIG: Fran, what was your wildest on the road experience?

Fran: I really can't think of any.

Billy: What about jerking off in the shower? I jerked off in the Dentist office once.

Marc: You were turned on by the hygienist?

Billy: No, it was just the kind of thing that just comes, you know.

Fran: Actually, I got one. It's not really the wildest thing, but we were in Huntington, WV on the last tour and we were at a gas station and I had the runs. When I went to the bathroom, in the process of wiping myself, I shit on my hand and I threw the shit on the wall. That's my most exciting part. And then I shook hands with all you guys.

Marc: If that's the highlight-

Fran: I know you guys are jealous, very, very jealous of what I did.

Contact the Traitors at:

Johann's Face Records
P.O. Box 479164
Chicago, IL 60647